Being a 'man' : Privilege or a struggle?

Life is a constant struggle. At first, you struggle to walk, to talk, to get the picture of what’s real and what’s not. In the course you absorb the mechanisms of the world and its beings. You get the hang of how the society functions and shape yourself accordingly to fit in.

And if you don’t fit in?? Well..

It’s a constant tussle but in different aspects of your life; such as the pressure of being the perfect child, the ideal student, the ‘best’ friend, a charismatic leader, a devoted wife and a hard- working father for his family. Or to confine it a little- as a man and a woman.

Let’s take a situation for example. There’s a girl on the bus and behind the girl is a guy. The driver pulled the break and the guy happened to accidently touch the girl.

In reflex, the girl simply presumed that the guy had wrong intentions, turned back in anger and slapped the guy.

Now before you think I’m gonna tell you about how women are ill- treated and there needs to be a call for change (which there definitely is) but if you think once again, was the guy really at fault? 

All men are not the same.

The idea is not to indicate the superiority of men over women or vice-versa, the purpose is to stop stereotyping.

• As a matter of fact, studies suggest that men are just as likely to experience domestic violence or rape but they receive almost no support as a victim or survivor of the either. Infact they are more likely to be arrested than his female abuser. 

• They serve 60% more for the same crime. 

• Four times more likely to be homeless or unsheltered.

• Men make up : 80% of suicide victims

                            92% of workplace deaths

                            97% of combat deaths

                            77% of homicide victims

Men are objectified, men are raped, men are mistreated, just as females.

For all you know there might be a boy out there too afraid to reach out for help because apparently ‘men shouldn't feel pain'.

There might be a boy who didn’t make it to the football team because his legs don’t dribble fast but his heart beats faster as he learns a new recipe. There might be a father who did not purchase the classic watch he always wanted because he’s paying the bills for the rest of his family. There might be guy gathering up courage since 258 days to approach a girl he’s attracted to but feeling not adequate enough, why? Because we’ve grown up with certain ideas forced down our throats by society, by cinema, by a romantic books with the image of a ‘hero’ with the perfect 6’1 height doing over the top things to woo and steal a girls heart .

Sexual stereotyping begins early in men's lives. Boys learn what it means to be a man from family and peers. Bravery, adventurousness, being able to think rationally, being strong and effective, for example, are all "manly" traits that are encouraged. Young women on the other hand are urged to pursue beauty and learn household chores.

At the same time, males are discouraged from pursuing many positive traits that are perceived as unmanly, such as the ability to feel a range of emotions, including fear, hurt, confusion or despair. Even talking about these feelings is considered unmanly. And if they do, “don’t be such a pussy man, grow some balls.”

Amidst the paper works of his family business, a man, hangs his masterpiece on the wall. A wall that is socially constructed with the bricks made of gender roles. A wall that clearly segregates boys and girls by what they can and cannot do. And if you don’t fit in?? ( going all the way back to the start) apparently there’s no room for you. 

What we can do is break those walls and welcome each other despite of your gender, race, class, status, sexual orientation;

Because there might be walls between us, but we’re under the same roof.



- Piya Dhiman